Five Years

My five-year high school reunion is this week, which means I am officially an old hag who can say things like, “My five-year high school reunion is this week.” I might be mistaken but I’m pretty sure I could feel the wrinkles forming on my forehead as I opened the email about the upcoming event. I’m surprised I didn’t have an accompanying email from AARP or LifeAlert telling me I needed to sign up immediately. I know what you’re thinking – Bridgid, you’re only 23, you’re still practically a baby. But as my brother so wonderfully loves to remind me – I am almost half way to 50 and that is only made so very apparent when you throw your back out doing an on-land synchronized swimming routine (we crushed it… if you were wondering).

I’m not actually really freaking out about being old and decrepit these days, but knowing that my five-year high school reunion is looming in the oh so very near future is a really interesting feeling. I am not the person I was in high school nor I am I doing anything I thought I would be doing five years out of high school. I am definitely not complaining about either of these facts.

In the beginning of high school, I was shy beyond shy. I had my core group of friends, but outside of that I pretty much kept to myself. My main priority was succeeding in school and getting good grades to make my parents proud and to be able to attend a good university. I barely ever talked in class, even allowing my 7th grade Latin teacher to mispronounce my name until April when I finally got the courage to tell her my name was not Brick-id (Damn you, Ms. Nabbefeld). I started to break out of my shell more and more junior and senior year,

but it’s really hard to go from the cute, quiet, book-nerdy girl everyone had known me as for four years already to something different. My best friends had always known the outgoing Bridgid that I am today – but it has taken the rest of the world quite a while to see that.

Today with my community here in Thailand, we reflected on our time together in our home, the things we have learned about ourselves, and the different ways we respond to things like stress, anxiety, and frustration. I’ve learned more and more that when I am in stressful or anxiety inducing situations that I tend to regress to my shy high-school self – becoming quieter and seeking the inward solace of myself rather than help from others. But I have also learned just how much I love being with people and how much that fills me up, even if it is just sitting and being a presence. I love the bubbly, personable person I have become over the past five years and a part of me is sad that none of my former high school classmates got to meet that person in the halls of Boston Latin School. But I also know that I was not ready to be that person yet. I needed a lot more experiences, like being away at college on my own, failing at things over and over again, realizing I was not meant for my major, making and correcting mistakes, studying abroad in Scotland, and so many other things – to finally become the person I am today, a person who is still learning and growing everyday.

Leaving BLS, in my shiny purple cap and gown with my pristine black dress hidden beneath, perfectly straightened hair, and peep-toed heels on toe, never would I see myself here, five years later – laying in my bedroom in the middle of nowhere Thailand, wearing no makeup, baggy sweatpants and a Duke basketball tee with my long, wavy hair recklessly thrown on the top of my head, silently telling the small lizard climbing up the wall next to me that I know it is getting colder but I really do not need any company in my bed tonight. And you know what, there really is no way else I’d want it to be. Except the lizard. I could totally do without him.

Five years ago, I thought that in five years I would be living in New York, working at a fashion magazine in marketing and advertizing. In the “Where-You’ll-Find-Me-In-Ten-Years” section of my yearbook, I put, “As a judge on Project Runway” (embarrassing….). I do still have five more years to accomplish that though, so Nina Garcia and Michael Kors better watch out. But I think I gave up on that dream about 4 years ago, when I realized I hated finance and managerial accounting was the death of me and the thought of working in a cubicle made me quiver.

So instead, I am here in Thailand, working with patients with HIV/AIDs. While my official title is Patient Care Worker, I think it should really be Pretend Nurse-BINGO Caller Extraordinaire – Multitasking Coffee Drinker and Thai Vocabulary Studier- Rice Washer - Green Bean and Onion Cutter – Baby Holder – Professional Car Rider- Thai-Induced Blank Starer. Yup, I think that’s about my job. But really, I don’t even think of it as a job, it’s just how I spend my days. It is a job that I get so much joy out of; one that I would do even if I wasn’t getting paid for it….wait a second…..oh yeah that’s right. I don’t get paid anyway.

While I would love to be at my five-year high school reunion this week, to see old friends, to let old acquaintances see the person I have grown into in the past five years, to flirt with the boys I had crushes on and barely ever actually talked to, I think I’d rather take my time here to carve out the person I am becoming. Besides, who are we kidding, we all know I’m world’s most hopeless person when it comes to flirting. I guess old habit’s do die hard. Catch ya’ll at the 10 year reunion.